To the One I Once Loved or Maybe Always Will

I let you go, but I never imagined I would have to let you go forever. I let you go, yet I left a home for you in my heart, keeping the light on, believing you were meant to stay. Now, the light has been blown out. The space is dark, and though I still feel your presence, you are not there. You left behind a longing wail as you moved on to build a home in someone new. That’s all I ever wanted for you—to be happy, to be loved. But I never thought it would leave this much ache in my heart. I never imagined it would build a well in my eyes.

I let you go, but I always held onto the hope of finding my way back to you. I never considered that someone else might beat me to it. I never saw myself being replaced—because no one could ever replace you in my life, even when you were no longer here. It’s not fair that I never kept you close, yet always told myself I could return to you whenever I wanted.

I can’t remember the last time I was with you, how your lips felt on mine, or how your hands wrapped around me. I can’t recall how you used to make me smile or infuriate me at the same time. But I remember the warmth of your love. I want to be happy for you—I truly do—but I have to learn how to live with losing you forever.

I know she gives you a love deeper than I ever could, but I was growing into the person who would have been right for you. Now, that chance is gone. I’m hurting because you’re fine, and I am not. How can you be fine when I am falling apart? I know I have to let you go. You deserve the world, and I would have done anything to give it to you. But I thought I would be your world.

You have broken my heart before, but today, it has shattered. Don’t feel bad—your love will always live in me. You will always be a piece of me, carried with me wherever I go. And one day, I will learn to be happy for you, because that’s all I ever wanted—for you to be happy, loved, and loved loudly. I wanted someone who shares your dreams, and I hope you have found her.

I hope she makes you happy. I hope she makes you laugh. I hope she builds you into the man you always wanted to be.

And I hope I can grow to be your friend.

I have lost you as the love of my life, but I don’t want to lose you completely. I don’t know if that’s possible, but I will hold onto the fleeting hope that, in some way, you will remain.