Unlearning What I Was Taught About Love – Part 2
I’ve often wondered how much of what we believe is ours… and how much was handed down to us ,wrapped in survival, soaked in silence.
Because somewhere along the way, I realized:
I wasn’t just watching love happen around me.
I was absorbing it.
And that version of love became my blueprint.
When You Love Like You Were Taught
I loved like my mother did.
Softly. Silently. Desperately.
I gave more than I got and called it devotion.
I let the weight fall on me because I was told that’s what strong women do.
I made excuses.
I shrank to be more “understandable.”
I forgave too quickly and left too slowly.
I didn’t ask for much , because I didn’t believe I deserved more.
I thought if I loved enough, I could teach someone how to love me back.
But I was wrong.
The Cost of Carrying What Isn’t Yours
When you grow up watching women hurt in silence, you start to think that’s what love is.
You think bruised hearts are just part of the deal.
That staying is strength, and leaving is failure.
But survival isn’t the same as love.
Endurance isn’t the same as commitment.
And loyalty without safety is just self-abandonment dressed up in a beautiful lie.
No one told me that.
But I had to learn it.
And it came with loss, grief, and heartbreak that felt familiar, as if I was reliving my mother’s life in a different time, with different names.
Breaking the Pattern, Gently
Healing didn’t happen all at once.
It came in whispers:
- In the quiet after I blocked a number that never brought peace.
- In the moment I looked in the mirror and didn’t feel shame for walking away.
- In the realization that I didn’t need to earn love , that love, real love, doesn’t demand that you bleed to prove you’re worthy.
I started loving myself differently.
Softly. Loudly. Fiercely.
I began writing again. Talking again. Saying no without apology.
And I promised myself: I will not carry this pain into the next generation.
Redefining Love for Myself
Now, love looks like:
- Safety.
- Soft hands, not clenched fists.
- Being heard without having to beg.
- Peaceful silence, not punishing silence.
- Loving someone ,without having to disappear to keep them.
And more than anything, love looks like me.
Choosing me.
Again and again.
Until the love I one day welcome feels like home , not war.
Awakened Praise
Welcome to my journey of healing and growth. My name is Awakened Praise, a combination of both my name and surname which carry a very strong meaning which I hope to live up to one day, and I’ve spent years confronting the shadows of my past, wrestling with trauma, depression, and the weight of experiences I once felt I couldn’t escape. This space is where I unpack the layers of those struggles and share the lessons I’ve learned along the way. I’ve walked through the darkest days, battled inner demons, and learned that outrunning trauma isn’t about escape—it’s about confronting it, learning from it, and growing stronger. Here, I talk openly about mental health, personal growth, and the winding road of recovery. My hope is that by sharing my story, I can help others feel less alone and more empowered to face their own battles. Let’s journey together toward healing, resilience, and reclaiming the light on the other side of the storm.